The President's Blog

A Busy Bushy Week

2006-01-28T09:02:00.000-08:00

Oh my, oh my, it has been the busiest of weeks. There is so much going on. Dry weather in Texas has really made it so that I have so much brush to clear it is rediculous. But I guess any of you hear want more to know about my politics and that sort of situation rather than what is going on in the place that carries my heart... Texas.

So in Washington it was a busy week for Carl. First there was the start of my new "health care" program, ha ha... if you call it that. People think I actually give a flying eagle f..k about the old people who piss in their pants.... thats the biggest joke of the day.

Then Seneter Kerry pulls out the filibuster idea, but I think Carl handled that one about perfectly. Kerry on his hi horse thinks he can go to "world economic forums" in Switzerland, thinking he is all this and that, but Carl told Scott to tell the press that he was there SKIING, and I think it worked really well.

Condi stopped by last night 'cause Laura was out of town. She gives the best neck rubs of anyone I know, even better than Scott. Scott really is good at tickling the back of my hair line with his nose, but Condi, she reaches all over my neck and back and sqeezes soo hard and up and down... god she is sexy. And the fact that she has a tanker named after her... that is such a turn on. Totally gives me wood.

Well, it is going to be a big week. I think I am going to have to give this "State of the Union" speech. I have been trying to get out of it, telling Carl how much I really need to go to Texas, but you know him... Thinks he's President or something.

So I'll blog a lot this week if I can find the time. I have been spending more time than ever on this little laptop, playing frogger than I downloded into the "Widgets." IT is so fun. Some times the frog doesn't make it across, or falls off the log into the water. Sometimes I make it and get the fly.

I also watched one of the funniest movies in the world this week, about Enron. Boy, those guys new how to make some money. I recommend it real big. I think it is called Enron. Carl and Scott told me to watch it because it was getting real popular and they are worried because Kenny Boy and I go way back and they are worried about that connection but I am not worried at all, 'cause as we say in the Bush family, "Daddys gonnna take care of it!"

Damn Hippies

2006-01-20T11:01:00.000-08:00

I used to not mind the hippies so much. In college, it was the hippies that always had the best dope, even if they did stink a little bit. But now all of a sudden, these hippies have grown older too, and now they want to expand their "peace activism" all around the globe, driving me crazy. The latest attacks have been from those people saying that I need to do something about Saudi Arabia, saying it is not a democracy, just because they do not have elections.

Come on people, how many times do I have to remind you of Sadaam's "Rape Rooms." They don't have Rape Rooms in Saudi Arabia. AND DON't You get it??? Saudi is already giving us oiL!!!! WE HAVE TO HAVE OIL or WE DON'T get ELECTED!!!

Anyway, I'm feeling a little grumpy today. Last night Laura was going on about running for President or Senate again, and I am so sick of it. I mean, come on... Hillary doesn't stand a chance and sometimes I just want to get back to Texas. Play with my new chainsaw. Its a husqavarna! Whew, can it chop through the wood!

My Buddy Schweitzer for President?

2006-01-19T20:47:00.000-08:00

Schweitzer for President...I don't think so. Though I will admit, he has a good approach. This whole "cowboy for President" thing Carl came up with really seems to do the trick. But this is clearly a ploy. A ploy to copy my cat. A copy cat ploy. And this President does not approve of this message... or something like that.
Any hoo... what was I talking about?
Ah, after I am not President... And what I will be doing then.
Well, I really don't know when that is going to be. If Carl doesn't end up in jail, I think we have a good shot at 2008. Sure, our plans to have Congress change the law allowing that are a little up in the air with this whole Abramoff thing.. "Abra-whoo?" Sorry, forgot about that Carl. I don't know anyone by that moniker.
Anyway... after a few more terms, I'll probably get sick of this whole gig. Dad said I could eventually move the White House to Houston, and that would be nice, but eventually I am going to feel like just hanging out in Crawford, drinking some beer, cutting some brush, and watching the lil' rug rats run around. And by then, I really won't care who is President of America.
Come to think of it, I kind of like the way this guy looks on a horse. You think that is a real horse? Carl had me pose on a couple of horses that looked so real I couldn't tell the difference even sitting on it.
Then there were those turkeys in Iraq. Faker than a two dollar bill.
That's what happens when you leave things up to interns.

The President's Blog

2006-01-16T17:45:00.000-08:00

All these people and their harsh words about me and my presidency, don't they get it? I am the the President, god danged it! That means they are not supposed to question my athority. I am President. Anyway, I don't really care about them anyway.
Condi came over last night, and boy did we have a close one. I thought Laura had already left for this trip over to Africa to see some black lady who was elected President somewhere, so Condi and I were just watching "28 Days" (I love Sandra Bulluck), and I was starting to feel a little fresh, a little "jungle fever" if you will, and started to scoot a little closer, 'cause after all, we are hoping to make her President after me, and we were starting to, hal shall I say, feel a little warm and tingly towards our vurtual gravities, and suddenly the door opened and there was Laura, walking in with Scott to talk about what she was supposed to say tomorrow.
Now see, I thought it was kind of rude that she did not knock, but I asked around later today and most of my friends said their wives don't knock either. I just don't get that. What if you are having a private moment or something. I remember getting caught by my dad in eighth grade when I was having a "private moment" and it was about the most embarrassing thing in the world.
But so I think we pulled it off. Condi made like she had dropped her pen and was looking for it under the sofa, and I said I had just sit down for a moment to see what she was watching.
Boy, Condi is so nice, and so beautiful too. Sometimes I think I could divorce Laura and settle down, maybe even pop out a few little ones with Condi. And her ass... to use the parlance of our time... her ass is so, soo hot. But I shouldn't be saying any of this... But I can't imagine anyone ever reads these blog things anyway...

The Day I forgot My Tie

2006-01-05T17:59:00.000-08:00

Whew, long day. Just want to sit down with a nice cup of bourbon, sit on the couch, throw my feat on the table and watch some tv. I know I tell people I don't watch television, but I am totally a sucker for Seinfeld. And I mean, come on, everyone does love Raymon. And I have a little turkey in my pants for watching that Rita Cosby on MSNBC. She is what I think a news reporter should be. She doesn't go too much into politics or nothing, just deals with the real issues. Like a few weeks ago when she covered them strippers in Nevada... see, that is what news watchers want to watch.
But boy, it was a busy day. I had to give a speech at the State Department, and then there is this whole thing with Ariel in Israel. I mean, talk about untimely, but the real truth of the matter is that it has me worried... worried because ol Pete Goss told me that the Mossad was probably behind Sharon's "stroke." That is going to make things really a pain for me to deal with. But then, on top of all that, Carl told me I had to meet with all these former "defense secretaries" and who-be-whoos, to make it seem like I am not in such a bubble. I mean come on, does it looook like I am in a "bubble?" I have black people and hispanics working for me, and plenty of women. Its not like I am at all against women rights or anything. Just because I like to make my own decisions for myself, with me and my God, I don't know why that looks so bad when John Stewart and those other hippies start talking about it.
But apparently this ought to help. Dad says it was a good idea to listen to lots of ideas. I guess he is right. I can still trust God to help me know who is a liberal and who isn't.
But man, right now, my feet are comfortable and Laura should be getting home any minute, and ol' Dick is finally leaving me alone a little. I can get so sick of him sometimes. He gets so grumpy, like he's got some prickly pickle up his butt.
Boy, I was also thinking about clearing some brush back and Crawford, and I can't wait to get back there...
But everytime I want to go that Shenanagan Sheehan shows up with her crowd of peaceniks and drives me and the neighbors crazy. More about her later. Gotta go, Wheel of Fortune is almost on...

Its 2006, Oh Lord...

2006-01-01T10:38:00.000-08:00

My owe my owe my am I hung over... Wow. You could say I tied six or seven on yesterday, and my head is just throbbbbbing. Sure am glad Scott had me record my New Years Radio Address early, because I don't think I could string more than six spoken words together today. Dick called earlier and asked if I could call Vladamir to ask him about some Ukrainian gas prices or something, but I can't even find the Oval Office right now because I am in a head spin. Champagne, wine, bourbin, gin, beer... those girls of mine really know how to party. I thought I used to know, but last night they had me drinking out of a hollow statue of Abe Lincoln. Laura had a few shots and hit the hay, and later Scott cornered me in the Rose room where I think he tried to kiss me, but I was so drunk, I can't hardly remember me. Wouldn't be unusual though. Scott is always trying to kiss people when he gets drunk. Over Thanksgiving he tried to kiss Dick but got punched. Then he had to wear make up for the next two weeks. Dick can punch really hard. Wait, oh wait a second, I'm in Crawford... what the .... Shit. I'm supposed to be giving out Purple hearts in a few minutes here... shit.
Oh Lord, oh lord, oh lord, does my head hurt this morning.... Maybe Margi can get me some more juice and toast.
Its not like the ol'days when I could put back lots of drinks, "and other stuff" and not even feel it the next day. Whew-O-Whew!
Well, It's 2006, supposed to be the most fantastical year of my Divine Kingship.... he hee hee... I mean, Presidency!

The President's Blog

2005-12-31T10:03:00.000-08:00

Hi Everybody. It is almost New Years, and I already started drinking! Laura is out shopping in Paris with the girls, and won't be home until later tonight, so I have all day. Don said he and Condi might swing by later for a few drinks, but right now I have whiskey in one hand and a PBR in the other! YEEEE HAAA! God, I love Texas, even when I'm not there.
I have been kind of bad about this blogging business, but I have been really drunk this week. Yesterday I woke up in the Oval Office underneith the desk, and Paul stopped by telling me next years plans for Iraq, and I finally was just like, "Paul, I trust you guys to figure this out with Donald and that ol'Chalabi Shish-kababi, so Really..." Then I had to run into the restroom and got kind of sick.
But then Margi, the chef's assistant brought me some tomatoe juce and some peanut butter toast, and I felt much better.

Can you believe this year is almost over already! Wow. I've been President for a long time. I was really hoping that everything would be over with the war and all by now. Paul said it was going to be better than it has been. Dad warned me to be careful who I listened to, and I probably should have listened to him.

ALSO, I've been getting e-mails from all these Christian sorts who complain that my daughters and I have iPods and Apple computers. Come on, are these really the "liberal" computers. Thats like saying PBR is the "liberal, blue collar beer." I mean, I am one of the most powerful people in the world, so I think I need a powerful music device. Besides, Dick has one too. I bought him a Dixie Chicks album from Apple for a joke. He cracked up. I wonder why he was so coy at our last meeting. We were supposed to be talking about how Rove told Robert (Nowax...he he he..) all about ol'Willy's wife working for the Agency. Funniest part is that no one even realizes that ol' Novak himself works for the Agency, has for years, been on the secret pay roll. Part of the "making sure Americans think what we want them to think" Program.
But Rove didn't show up at the meeting because he was afraid Dick was going to get gruff with him. Dick is worried he is going be taken down, and I say to him, Dick, don't worry, I'm the freaking President. I have this little ol' power called "THE PARDON." But you know Dick. Always such a gruff and worry wort.
This gin tastes so good going down. Isn't it funny when you have to pee sooo bad, but you are also sooo comfortable in your chair that you are actually tempted to just pee a little in your pants to let a little pressure off the valve so you can just stay comfortable. I mean, warm pee is not really that uncomfortable until it starts to cool.
That reminds me of one of my parties we had back at Yale. Those were the days. People make fun of me for being a cheerleader, but that was maybe the high light of my life.

Merry Christmas - LATE!

2005-12-27T08:49:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone.
Well, it is after Christmas. We had a really nice time in Texas. Its funny because I told the press that I was headed to Maine, but then I went to Texas. I love to do that.
Crawford is really pretty this time of year.
After I went out and chopped some wood and cleared a few bushes...eh ha ha... get it?...bushes.... eh ha ha..
then the Girls woke up and opened some presents.
I really wish they still believed in Santa, but boy, those girls are getting big so, so fast. Seems like just last year she emerged from her bedroom on Christmas morning with the look of excitment as she ran to her stack of gifts from Santa...
This year she emerged from her room with her boyfriend and looked a little hung over, but I guess we all were, 'cause Laura really knows how to make an egg nog!
Laura got me a painting of Abe Lincoln and some music for my new IPOD! (girls got that for me for my B-day)
Well, thats it for now! Looking forward to a Happy New Year Celebration!!!
Then I can finally bomb Iran and Syria!

I got a real problem

2005-12-22T11:45:00.000-08:00

Oh man, my eyes are soar, my back is tweaked, my neck is stressed, and my head is throbbing. I need some Tylonal or Asparin or something. Let me tell you a personal statement here, since that is what this thing is for I guess, let me tell you, it can be kind of stressful to be the President of America. I know Henry K. says he wants me to run again, says he knows how to work the back channels to get me in for another round, but I don't think I can take it. Somedays, I just want to go back to the Ranch where I can sit back with a tallboy and not have everyone watching everything I do.
I mean, I do everything Dick, Henry and my Dad tell me, but still, I have all these people busting my balls. I say what I am supposed to, I don't do open press meetings, just like they said. I rarely try to talk without reading what they have written for me, but it doesn't seem to work.
And now all these people saying I spied on them. I SPIED ON KERRY, no one else, I Didn't care about who sent what package to who, or what girlscout read what, or a who was gay and applying to the Marines, no... I just don't care... I wanted to know what Kerry had to say in the campaign, thats it... thats all. That is all I cared about... OK??? Whats the big deal...
Geezzzzus.

Today's blog

2005-12-20T16:41:00.001-08:00

Not much time to blog today. Makes me sad, 'cause this is really my favorite thing to do nowdays. But its been a tough few weeks. I put "holiday" instead of Christmas on the Holiday cards, and now so many people are mad. And then this whole spying thing. Luckily Dick spoke out from his trip to the Middle East and even said I should have MORE power. I do wish he had said these things here at home, but he says he has some important meetings and stuff over there, stuff he wants to get done before Christmas, so I guess I will have to wait to see him later.
For all the teasing I give him, Dick sure is pretty good to me. Sure, he's kind of a grumpy ol'coot, but I reckon that if I had that much money to worry about, or a country to run, I might be a little grumpy too.
SO, I'm thinking about painting the Oval Office, sort of a nice shade of green, or something peaceful. I'd sure like your all opinions.
I also have been playing with this Apple iBooks font settings. Its so fun. I set the background picture to a picture of me chopping some wood on the Ranch. And for letters I am using Helvetica. Wow, are these things fancy. My Apple iBook can even do stuff when I talk to it. Its so so so neat. And, my Apple iBook, can even play DVD's, so I watched Ol'Yeller earlier today when I woke up and was waiting for Laura to get up, and tonight we are going to watch Charlie Brown Christmas. It should be fun. I'll try to blog about it later.

Today's blog

2005-12-20T16:41:00.000-08:00

God Damn It!

2005-12-19T12:15:00.000-08:00

(I like this picture, because I look real profesional and yet firm and stuff.)
These god damned liberal press muther freakers. I am SOO SOO SOO SOO SOO SOO SOO SOO SOO SOO SOO SOOS OSOSOSOOSOOSOOSOSO So so so so so so so so so SO SO SOO SOO SOOSOOS OSO SO SOOSO SO SO SOO SOO SO SO sick of them and all the "questions" and "comments" and can't they just freaking leave me alone, itS CHRISTMAS for God's sake. C-H-R-I-S-M-A-S.
Geeezus.
Dick called. He's got a bug up his butt because the Saudis said they were a little perturbed at my request for a little cheaper gas for the Christmas season, but whatever.
And then there is this whole "new" thing about Me spying on the American "public" as if I have time to go spying on every person out there that reads The Catcher and the Rie. I mean, come on, of course I told those agencies to keep it a secret that there was a change of policy, because if I told them to tell people, then the people we were trying to spy on would know, and that would defeat the whole purpose. People aren't supposed to know they are being spied on, and when I change the rules, which is my Executer rights, then it is up to me. I AM THE PRESEDENT - P-R-E-S-E-D-E-N-T.
Geezus.
Condi called. God, she's great. If she wasn't so black I'd probably try to get me a piece of that.
I hope she runs for vice-presedent next time.
I'd love to have her as my veep. She's way nicer than Dick. Dick has been sort of a D-I-C-K lately.
J/K DC... j/k
Anyway. I've got to go now. All the people are calling me and stuff, and I just want to get back to the ranch for some good ol' Christmas cheer, and a few egg-nogs, if you know what I mean.

I just Gave a Reel Good Speach

2005-12-14T11:19:00.000-08:00

Wow, I think that went well. I just gave another speech. Carl said it would be good if we could create an event sort of speech, to really get the attention of my key supporters and stuff. I think it went really well. I don't think I tripped up on any of the words. But boy, I was looking over at Scott behind the curtain, and couldn't help but think about how sexy he looks today. I really like that Scott alot. He does a really good job. Carl is a little jealous I think, but he is just going to have to deal. Carl has had his time in my limelight. I remember that one time when Laura walked in on us in the kitchen. That was funny. We pretended like we were just having fun sneaking food late night. I don't think she really knew what was going on.
I don't want to sound like I don't like Laura alot though. I really do. She is a great First Lady. I really love her eyes and the way they get real intense, like a robots. I remember when my dad told me I just had to marry her. I am glad I did.
Well, if you have any tips for my next speach, feel free to send them to many. Or just any private thoughts or anything.

Wow, this is my second blog entry. It is reallyl exciting.

My First Entry!

2005-12-14T11:17:00.000-08:00

Whew, I've done it. I am finally a blogger. The girls told me about this a few years ago, but I could never get them to get me a computer in the Oval Office. I don't know why they are so against me having my own computer. But finally Laura gave me a new Apple iBook for an early Christmas president, I mean Present. I do love my wife Laura.
Wow, this is fun.
But it sure takes a long time to type.
Maybe I will go get a glass of milk from the kitchen.
I wonder how long it will take me to make some money with this blog.

Well, I think the girls were right. This is a good idea. This way I can really connect with the people of America. And I love the people of America. This way they can right straight to me when they have questions. This way they can bypass the Liberal Press. Those guys are always trying to misconstructuate the things I say.

So Welcome to my blog! I hope to see you all daily.

Yours truly, The Supreme Commander of Earth (just kidding)
George Bush.